The problem with blogging.

My blogging hiatus began when I got entirely too busy with the end of third year

Now I am debating whether to continue blogging or not

I have identified a few main reasons why this hesitancy has come about

1) I don't really care that much.

I like to read things, and I find a lot of things fascinating

but

I don't care that much. Not in an apathetic way, things move me but my opinions are often not strong enough to blog about it. Even in conversation sometimes I say things but afterwards think but it doesn't really bother me. Its not (ever) a case of someone telling me something that happened to them/how they feel about something and the apathy arises, but generally when I talk about something I may have found annoying, when I vocalize it I immediately feel like but I didn't reaaaaaally care haha anyways, when I go to blog about something, I'm get that 'but reaaally, do I really feel this way?' I personally enjoy my live-and-let-live attitude (its probably less like that in reality but you know.) but it does not make for good blogging.

2) Its been done

I often wonder what sort of clientele I would have if people who didn't know me read this blog. In terms of blogs/the internet, I don't bring anything particularly new to the table -- not in terms of pop culture anyways, a hobby of mine. And if I'm not blogging about pop culture, then I'm blogging about shit that happens to me I guess, but see 1).

3) I'm lazy

4) I dont like to quantify things

This is difficult to explain. Putting things in black and white makes it 'so', and why limit yourself to that perception of the experience in question? Although maybe thats silly because inevitably you have a perception of an experience whether its on paper or not.

anyways

my reasons to keep a blog?

I very often think about things I could blog about. Par example:

- Canada vs itself and why it is finally winning:

==>against = ignorant people who are incredibly defensive about being ignorant. I am white with a tan in Canada. In England I am an Indian-Canadian, both elements equally accepted and understood in a way I didn't realize possible.

==> for = come on, can you blame us/them? we try! whether its true or not, the 'multicultural mosaic' that Canadians pride themselves on makes for people who are wonderfully nice, and make every attempt to be politically correct and open minded.

The problem is that Canada is a mosaic in very small chunks. Although there are many, many different cultures in canada, Canada is a huuuuge country and there are many, many all-white communities and a very few with heavy 'ethnic' contributions. Hence the mosaic is more of a nice theory that applies in a minority of areas, not an accurate generalisation.

What I have found is that real cultural acceptance comes with a small bit of racism. Its not an ideal but I would rather have 9 people roughly understand my ethnicity (and i'm talking rough) and 1 that called me a paki*, not 10 people who treat me kindly regardless of my race but think im white with a tan and make judgments about me based on their misunderstanding of my background.**

However, as I said, Canadians pride themselves on the mosaic that doesn't really exist, and it makes them all try very, very hard to be accepting, and I think that is rare and wonderful.

Furthermore, Canada is huge, has a relatively teeny population, and there is so much space space space and opportunity for everyone -- I didn't realize how outrageously rare, if not unique this is in the world.

For a while I was hating on Canada, but now I'm really excited to come home.

Jesus.

I clearly digress. oh yah my * was that I have never been called a paki, so maybe when I am called one then I can affirm or deny the above statement. ** is that you cant blame people for ignorance sometimes because I am really, really ignorant a lot of the time, especially of my own culture. Its the judgment based on ignorance that is killer, hurtful, and frustrating especially since it often comes from friends who are meant to be closest.

The other thing thats annoying about Canada is that you can't make benign (ish) racist jokes because people dont know how to react. Example: there are no brown people in slovenia. literally. like literally literally. anyway accordingly everyone at work for the first 2 days assumed I was from india (albeit my canadian accent that refuses to wane) because 'first generation'-ers dont really exist here so much. Talking to someone, I joked that 'its the brown skin, it confuses everyone' (not hilarious but anyways) and he was like 'oh noo! no its fine!!!!' ahhahah which is cute actually and very nice but indicative of the i-dont-know-what-ground-to-tread-here attitude of people that haven't been exposed to other cultures. Again though, I dont blame people for this and its actually quite funny/cute to see people jump/react to harmless comments like this one.

anywho, I guess i conclusion the only thing I feel really strongly about is racism and race relations, I guess because they are so prevalent and for all my indifference its something I cant ignore and has truly shaped my life growing up where I did, and will continue to no matter where I go.

But honestly... I don't really care that much.

:)